It’s no surprise that homeschooled teens don’t have the deep bench of teachers on standby in the same way public-schooled teens do. If your teen needs a letter of recommendation from a “teacher” and they don’t have one? Here are some options.
“My concern today is finding someone to write a recommendation letter for my daughter who will be a junior this coming fall. We just moved 1800 miles and don’t have any connections here. Can you help?” -HS4CC Parent Karin A.
Letters of recommendation fall into that category of things you don’t need until you do! For homeschooling parents or teens, finding teachers to write letters can be really challenging, especially when Mom is the teacher!
ONLINE CLASSES: Parents often assume that a dual enrollment professor’s evaluation doesn’t count when the student is a distance learner, but that isn’t always the case. If the class included class participation, email exchanges, projects or papers, student interaction, video uploads, private communication between the student and professor, etc., then it still might be possible for the professor to generate an honest and authentic letter for your student. I had a professor write a letter on my behalf for my graduate school application. Although we did not have a lot of interaction, as she was my professor for several classes, I asked her to evaluate me in terms of my potential for success in graduate school. When worded this way, it was easy for her to write a great letter for me! She easily wrote about my ability to write, cite, and enthusiasm for the subject, etc. Assess this on a case-by-case basis for your teen.
What is the REAL purpose of a letter?
That’s not a small question, especially for a homeschool teen. (Let’s be honest, there are still people who think homeschooled teens are holed up in their house and never interact with the outside world!) The letter helps them evaluate your teen in a way that a black-and-white application form can’t. It provides color to their story.
Choose Your Writer Carefully
I’m going to be really frank, and this may sting a bit, but don’t ask anyone to write a letter if they have poor grammar, don’t know your student well, or will use ChatGPT instead of investing the time to help your teen. A “bad” letter is not “better than nothing” and can hurt your teen’s application. When the college reviews the letter, they’ll ask themselves, “Why of the hundreds of people available did the applicant choose this person to write their letter?” It’s really important that the letter writers are special.
I needed a letter of recommendation and had the perfect person in mind who would speak well of me and would be happy to write it. Unfortunately, the letter was too short, didn’t speak to the one main thing I needed, lacked capital letters (true story), and was just generally unprofessional. I thanked the writer, but decided not send in the letter. Of course I didn’t tell him that.
-anonymous
When they ask for a letter from a “teacher” but you are your child’s only teacher…
It’s possible that your teen won’t have the exact type of reference they are looking for. Never lie, and never ask someone to lie or “misrepresent” their relationship with your teen to check a box. It goes without saying, but if your teen DOES have teachers, don’t lie and say they don’t. While the person(s) you use might not have the official title of “teacher,” you can still find people who can provide the kind of information they want.
What They Really Want
They want insight into your students’ enthusiasm for the content, attention to detail, thoroughness of investigation, ability to follow instructions, and curiosity as a learner… and they want to hear it from someone with a college degree. “Teachers” have bachelor’s degrees or higher, so this unspoken requirement should be part of your filter for a non-teacher to write this letter.
Finding Teachers Who Aren’t Teachers
No one is off limits – consider every person on the planet who may know your teen before you start to filter them out. You’ll need to tap into your network!
- Parent’s coworkers (current and former)
- Parent’s supervisor (current and former)
- Grandparent’s circle of friends/colleagues
- Neighbors (current and former)
- Alumni from the college/university
- Church members (current and former)
- Church leaders (current and former)
- Sports coaches or leaders (current and former)
- Committee members you serve with
- Teen’s tutors (current and former)
- Teen’s summer camp supervisor/leader
- Teen’s music lesson teacher (current and former)
- Clubs that your teen was in for at least 1 year (current and former)
- Teen’s supervisor of paid work (current and former)
- Teen’s supervisor of unpaid work (current or former)
- Parents of someone your teen tutored
- Parents of someone your teen baby sat for
- Parents of someone your teen volunteers with
- Digital connections, especially forums or Facebook groups (current)
- Family doctor, dentist, hair stylist, personal trainer, etc.
- A mentor who inspired or worked with your teen
- Someone with an outstanding reputation in the field your teen is entering
- An alumni from the college/university your teen is applying to
- An older peer who is a college graduate in the same field
FILTER: Don’t go back too far– anything before 9th grade won’t be relevant unless they still know and interact with your teen today.
FILTER: Has a college degree. When they ask for a letter from a teacher, they want someone with a college degree. For this filter, any degree is acceptable, but having the educational “cred” is important for this type of letter.
FILTER: Choose people who can speak to a specific aspect of your teen’s skills or character. Don’t look for a “one size fits all” writer. Who on your list has observed your teen when she demonstrated enthusiasm? Determination? Leadership? Punctuality? Assertiveness? There may be individuals for each of those who are perfect!
Exceed Their Request
Remember, you’re already outside the box by not having a “teacher” to submit a letter, so it’s a good idea to give a little extra. If they want one letter, give them two. If they want two, give them three. This approach allows you to have a little wiggle room when a letter of recommender might not be a perfect fit with what they asked.
Help Your Writer
My husband is a college professor and I’m a former college instructor; between the two of us, we have probably written over a hundred letters of reference or recommendation for students. It can be a burden to be asked, not because you don’t have anything nice to say about the student, but because the student hasn’t given you any parameters. Never assume that the person you’re asking will know which qualities or character traits you want them to emphasize. You HAVE TO TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. What should this letter convey? Academic? Character? Potential? Is there a required number of words? A form letter? An upload portal? All of this information needs to be provided in your initial invitation to your writer. Your invitation should be sent through email with all the relevant information and links so they can refer back to it later when preparing the letter for you.
Examples of What to Ask
Situation: Your teen babysits for a neighbor
The request: “I need a letter of recommendation that speaks to my character. Since I’ve always been on time, friendly to your children, and responsive to them, do you think you could speak to my character?”
Notice the need is identified as “character” and the teen reminded the adult of examples that demonstrate good character on the job.
Situation: Your teen gives piano lessons to a neighbor
The request: “I need a letter of recommendation that speaks to my potential as a future teacher. Since I’ve taught lessons to your son’s class for the past 6 months and I think he has really responded well to my instruction, do you think you could write a letter for me that speaks to that?”
Notice the need is identified as “potential future teacher” and the teen reminded the adult of examples that demonstrate good character on the job.
Start a File
Collect letters of recommendation anytime your teen impresses someone. Whether it was the decoration committee for a fall festival or writing an article for the neighborhood newsletter. Opportunities are everywhere! You can hang onto these letters and use them later.
When the time comes, assuming you still have contact with that person, send the following request:
“Thank you so much for writing the letter of recommendation for me last year. I really appreciate all the kind things you’ve said and I know that if I can use it in my college application this year that it will help me get admitted. If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind updating the date so I can submit it in my college application this year? I have attached it to this email for your reference.”
Be Intentional
Having alternatives in place is a great “plan B” but moving forward, try and think about what kinds of requests will be made of your teen in the future. If you know they will need letters of recommendation from teachers, you can intentionally choose to enroll your teen in one or more dual enrollment courses on campus. If dual enrollment options aren’t available, use the community college’s continuing education catalog as a chance to take courses in an area of interest.
My Opinion: Make Your Teens Do This
I think asking for letters of recommendation is a skill – it’s harder than it looks, and it makes us all unsettled to do this because we don’t always know what people think of us, and most people fear that they don’t measure up or have made the kind of impression they want.
I think that asking for letters of recommendation is a good way for your teen to develop self-awareness on another level, and allows them to evaluate their own contributions in a measured way. Even if they don’t need a letter of recommendation today, have them ask for one anyway. Asking for something you need in a professional way is a great skill to master and hearing good things about yourself from other people is always a nice feeling.
Employers are great references as well as scout leaders, etc. If possible, provide the recommender with a resume so they are aware of other areas you are involved in beyond your connection with them. They may have no idea how accomplished you are.
Thank you for this wonderfully thought out post. I sure wish I’d read it at the beginning of high school rather than halfway through my daughter’s junior year but it’s still very, very helpful! (Plus my son is still a freshman so now I’m thinking ahead for him!)