In a few months, you’ll be starting high school, maybe it’s your second time, or third, or more. For me, I went through it five times. The first time was in the ’80s as a student, but then four more times as a teacher. As a mother of four who made it out alive (all my sons graduated from our homeschool and college), I’m passing along the three pieces of advice that were given to me early on that really made a difference. I hope you think so, too.
(1) Parents feel peer pressure, too.
The high school years for a homeschool family are a little different because, in addition to extra record keeping, we’re about to send our kids into the world – the ultimate test of OUR ability. High school is scary because WE are about to be judged!
It reminds us of the questions we faced when we proudly announced to the world that we would be homeschooling instead of sending our kids to preschool, and kindergarten, and first grade. Were the nay-sayers right to question us? Are the results as we hoped? What will I post on Facebook? How will it look?
No advice or wisdom makes peer pressure any less real- peer pressure is real and people are judgy. I can only offer you what has helped me, and that is to not measure success (or failure) through the single lens of academics. When my sons are generous to our elderly neighbor or put in extra effort at work, act ethically, and solve a really challenging problem, it overshadows whether or not they can also remember the date of a war or a math formula. In the same breath, I’m holding back my prideful announcement when he earned a perfect score on his standardized test because he also failed one of his college courses. He is imperfect; homeschooling is imperfect. Our children are not academic robots. They are young people on the verge of leaving the nest. I hope more for my sons than that they remember a date or a math formula.
The big picture: The next time you’re asked what your teen’s plans are after high school, resist the urge to only talk about their academics. Academics are only one metric.
(2) You are your child’s best guidance counselor.
It’s wise to seek advice from those further along the journey than us, but no one has the same investment in your teen’s outcome the same way you do.
Though I’ve answered emails about selecting a good dual enrollment program or picking a good math book, my context is very limited. I have no idea about your young man’s learning style, struggles, accomplishments, or enthusiasm for math. I don’t know if he responds best to challenging problems or if he’s on the brink of throwing in the towel.
You’ll get a lot of good -and bad- advice regarding high school, college, student loans, and other topics you might feel ill-prepared to refute. If you’ve never been to college, you might even feel intimidated by the “experts” and allow yourself to be manipulated by the process. Each expert, in their own little world of expertise, can help you come up with a solution for one thing, but never give away your place as head of the household or leader of your family. They are your advisors, nothing more.
The big picture: Seek information from those you trust. Your family, advisors, counselors, teachers, mentors, pastors, community, and your peers. But continue to filter that information through your own very astute lens so you can keep doing what’s best for your teen.
(3) Develop a habit of doing school.
I struggled with this a lot because I’m a planner, and I love a good plan! I love to edit plans, and so it goes. It seems contradictory that someone who loves plans might have trouble with habits, but plans are theoretical and raising four sons is… well…. sometimes chaos. I remember reading a popular homeschool book the summer before my oldest started high school. It really freaked me out and applied lots of “homeschool guilt.” If I wanted to make sure my kids EVER got into college and didn’t end up homeless, we needed a strict(er) routine. Assignment accepted! Armed with my new 50-column, 180-row school schedule for the year (in Excel, with tabs, and colors), day 1 was perfect. I had everyone up, dressed, fed, and ready to go first thing in the morning. More importantly, I managed to get myself up, dressed, and fed before our designated start time. (My kids remember it being 7 am… that might be true.)
Our second day was a disaster. As were days 3 through whenever. My style isn’t structured to the minute. I’m really good at building good habits, but I need room to breath. When my oldest entered high school, I had three younger kids to care for. As my youngest entered high school, I was almost an empty nester! Life changes, situations change, finances change, and, of course, we want to aim for positive change. High school is a good time for any of us to tighten our routines a little, and aiming for consistency helps us accomplish big things. I was told once that the brand of my math curriculum didn’t matter half as much as actually sitting down and DOING math every day. Yep, she was right. The habits of doing (or not doing) result in our big picture.
The big picture: Missing math today because you have a dental appointment is an event. Missing math most days because you don’t feel like it is a habit. Good habits give us good routines that carry us forward, so small events don’t leave a dent.
