Teens who attend their “reach” college (where they just barely got accepted) instead of their “safety” college (where they are a top candidate) don’t do as well. That’s a fact. But it feels counterintuitive, it’s not as Insta-worthy, and it’s really really hard to suggest to our teens that they aim lower. Let’s talk.
BFLPE
Research psychologists say “The big-fish-little-pond effect (BFLPE) refers to the theoretical prediction that equally able students will have lower academic self-concepts in higher-achieving or selective schools or programs than in lower-achieving or less selective schools or programs, largely due to social comparison based on local norms.”
Here’s what that means: When you’re in a group, you compare yourself to others. If you’re at the top, you’ll see yourself as a winner and keep working hard. You have motivation and resilience. If you’re at the bottom, you’ll see yourself as a loser and feel like crap. Even small setbacks make the contrast that much more dramatic. The takeaway is to choose a group where you’re going to be at the top.
There has been a lot of attention in the media and in academics about this dynamic. I think, however, that parents don’t believe it. It’s counterintuitive. In our minds, and I’ll include myself in this, we “think” we want our teens to get into the best college they can.
If you look at “top colleges” in the USA, the overwhelming majority of all students will send their college applications to those schools. The University of Florida received 53000 applications this year. Harvard received 61000. Stanford got 55000. The popularity of any college is driven in part by the fact that you can’t get in. You can’t get in because the college is popular, and so the circle goes.
When a college has so many applicants, they simply are not bringing in average kids. The average high school GPA in the United States is 3.0 on a 4.0 scale. That’s a “B” grade and perfectly reasonable. However, the incoming stats of a Stanford freshman class reveal that 96 percent of students have a GPA higher than 4.0 on a 4.0 scale. Clearly, these students are exceptional. But wait. When everyone in the group is higher than 4.0, the group will get recalibrated. The average, at Stanford, is greater than 4.0. Students whose entire lives were spent in the tippy top are now not only average, more than half are landing at the bottom.
Students place a lot of value on how they perceive themselves in comparison to their group. This has nothing to do with encouragement from outsiders (parents, grandparents, neighbors, etc). A student who “knows” they rank at the bottom of their group learns not to trust someone telling him he ranks at the top.
The dynamic of social comparison
The Stanford study (oh, the irony) did a deep dive into this theory (Read entire Stanford Study), but if you’re interested in how this might apply to your homeschooled teen and where they go to college and how that impacts their future success, I highly suggest putting David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell at the top of your summer reading list.
The concept of “relative deprivation” describes how we measure ourselves against the people immediately around us. Our successes are always compared to their successes, as are our failures. In David and Goliath there is a wonderful story about a student who got into Brown University to study science. Though she was academically amazing (in the 99th percentile of all college students in the country), once at Brown, she earned average grades and by comparison felt stupid. As someone who didn’t like feeling stupid, she quit science.
Brown students compare themselves to Brown students. Harvard students compare themselves to Harvard students. The “worst” students at Harvard are probably five times above most of us academically, yet they will likely feel stupid and unsuccessful at Harvard. At their state university, they’d probably feel like a rock star.
Homeschooling for College Credit
I’m just going to say it. I want my teens to graduate from high school and college and launch into the world feeling like rock stars. Not in an inflated psycho-babble snowflake way, rather in a way where they are invigorated by the opportunity to try hard things. I don’t want my teens to pursue perfection; I want them to have resilience. I’ve intentionally helped my teens find ways to actualize success (hint: it doesn’t come from me telling them how great they are), but part of my process was keeping their fish pond smaller.
- It is better to get an “A” in a dual enrollment class than a “B” or “C” so pick classes that you know they’ll be successful with. Set them up to win.
- Don’t ever tell your teens a class or test is going to be “easy” because if it’s not, they’ll feel stupid (compared to you) and if it is easy, they won’t feel worthy of celebrating the win because it was “too easily” won.
- Elite colleges almost never let you bring in college credit earned in high school. By adjusting your list of target colleges to “safety schools” (those that are willing to bring in all your teen’s credit) not only gives them a huge head start, but likely keeps their pond smaller. Bonus!
- Graduating high school with college credit is a huge accomplishment. If your teen even earns 1 college credit, he is ahead.
- Homeschool families, for good or bad, are a teen’s fish pond. Be aware that your teens will mentally rank themselves in comparison to their siblings’ academic success too.
- This is why “everyone gets a trophy” misses the mark. It turns out that actually winning feels better than coming in last place, even if you got a trophy.
Choosing the right college is not about chasing the most selective school your teen can squeeze into. It is about finding a place where they can thrive, grow, and succeed. Safety schools offer real advantages, especially for homeschool students earning college credit in high school. These colleges are more likely to accept dual enrollment and CLEP credit, offer a smoother transition, and provide an environment where your teen can stand out. A strong college experience starts with confidence, and confidence grows when students feel capable and successful. Do not overlook the value of a safety school, it might be exactly where your teen should to be.
